"we are all going to die anyway"

THE END.

2005-05-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

well, folks, the past 4 months have been a blast...mainly due to Raymond. he helped make this job totally worthwhile and fun. and he's kept more than just me entertained....i'm fairly sure he's touched the lives of possibly hundreds of people worldwide.

unfortunately, the temp job must now come to a close. while it was a good run, one can only hope that the new guy will make his own blog and link us so that we can keep up with the goodness that is Raymond. yes. one can hope. or one can come by next week and help him set up a new blog. maybe that's what i'll do with my newfound free time. heh.

anyway, i'm sure i'll talk to Raymond online or on the phone or i'll run into him or something in the course of my life. so, though it's officially over, keep checking the site for random Raymond conversations.

peace, yo.
--KiM

raymond fact #18

2005-05-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

Raymond is both thoughtful and observant.

Raymond got me a going away present! He got me chocolate covered macadamia nuts (the kind with the candy shell...like M&Ms). He explained that he was going to get me M&Ms (my afternoon snack of choice), but he wanted to go fancy...and he remembered me talking about macadamia nuts and how good they are...so he found something with both put together. Also, the note he left on his present said, "Something to keep you awake." He must notice that I often come to work sleepy/hungover, as I did today.

Such a sweet man.

Ladies, he's still available.

< keyboard >

2005-05-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

ever since we got our new computers, Raymond has been eyeing my keyboard because it's small and cool (he has a different one). initially, he asked to switch, but I like this one because it reminds me of me. this is my last day...hence the following conversation:

Raymond: And by the end of the day...I'm going to switch keyboards! (big smile)
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Raymond: What? I've been waiting for 2 months!
Raymond: I really like that keyboard!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Raymond: (big smile) YES!

< online >

2005-05-19T14:58:00.000-07:00

Raymond: Well, I can’t believe tomorrow’s your last day.
Raymond: It was nice knowing you.
Me: !!!
Raymond: You know I’m just kidding right?
Me: (stares)
Raymond: I mean, I can always IM you.
Me: You’re never online.
Raymond: Well, because you’re always online. Anything I say is just gonna end up on the internet anyway.
Me: But that doesn’t explain why you’re not online.
Raymond: Well, also, nobody talks to me.

< simpsons >

2005-05-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

(The Simpsons in the background)
Me: Are you watching the Simpsons?
Raymond: No...no. I'm not...Yes, I'm watching the Simpsons.

< continuation? >

2005-05-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

Me: I wrote Robert (the new permanent guy) a letter.
Raymond: Oh no.
Me: Why do you say that?
Raymond: The blog will NOT continue.

< health >

2005-05-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

Me: (reading what was just printed fresh off the printer) "Chronic Disease and the Health Care Crisis"!
Raymond: OH THAT'S MINE!!!! (rushes over to take paper away from me)
Raymond: I'm getting old.

I honestly have never seen him move so fast. What have you got to hide, Raymond? What have you got to hide? PLUS. You're not old. You're 27.

< shirt >

2005-05-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

(sarah walks over wearing a shirt that says "Girls Do It Better")
Me: Wow! I was about to wear my "Girls Rule" shirt today.
Raymond: That would be funny...
Me and Sarah: (giggle, as everyone, including Raymond, knows that we're gay)
Raymond: What? Cuz she's wearing something similar.

< feminine >

2005-05-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

Raymond: I want my co-worker to be a girl.
Me: Why is that?
Raymond: Sometimes you just need that feminine touch.

***

Raymond: Not that you're not. I'm talking about my permanent one.
Raymond: And...Angie's cool.

< snapshot >

2005-05-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

Raymond: (in movie announcer voice) A SNAPSHOT FROM HELL!
Me: ?
Raymond: Hahahaha...what? I'm just reading the title of this book.
Me: (turns to blog)
Raymond: I feel like I'm being watched.

< last week >

2005-05-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

Me: Raymond, we have to do something next week...it's my last week here.
Raymond: How about we work extra hard!
Me: Where's my blog?
Raymond: Yeah cuz it's your last week here, so it makes perfect sense that you work even harder.

< popular >

2005-05-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

Me: Well, because I think you should date someone I already have in mind.
Raymond: Why? Who do you have in mind?
Me: Mm...who do you think it is?
Raymond: I don't know your friends.
Me: Well...you don't need to. You know this person already.
Raymond: I do? I really don't know many people. I mean...yeah. I don't know that many people.

< dating >

2005-05-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

Me: So...are you interested in dating anyone?
Raymond: No.
Me: Uh. That's the wrong answer.
Raymond: OH. You asked if I was interested. I thought you said, "Are you dating anyone right now?"
Me: No.
Raymond: Well. I'm naturally inclined not to.
Me: Not to what?
Raymond: Not to be interested in people.

< jerry mcguire >

2005-05-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

Raymond: Hi. I'm Jerry McGuire.
Raymond: You might remember me from such shows as...
Me: ?
Me: (walks to computer to blog)
Raymond: Hey. Why did you just stop sorting the mail?
Raymond: I used to make fun of...Jerry...no...what's his name? What's his name? Troy...
Raymond: Kim?
Raymond: You're not responding to me...

< party >

2005-05-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

Raymond: Let's have a party.
Me: What did you just say?
Raymond: Nothing.
Me: Did you just say, "Let's have a party"?
Raymond: Umm.....
Raymond: No.

< vintage >

2005-05-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

Me: Ah, Raymond. So much joy you bring to people.
Raymond: I get it. I'm like wine. Vintage 1975.

< beseech >

2005-05-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

Me: I'm blogging it.
Raymond: Noooooo!
Me: (turns to computer)
Raymond: Hey! I beseech you!
Me: "Beseech"...
Raymond: Yes.
Me: I'm blogging that one too.
Raymond: I'll shut up now.

< artichoke >

2005-05-04T12:22:00.000-07:00

Raymond: What is that you're eating?
Me: Artichoke/pesto salad.
Raymond: Artichoke? Isn't that...chewy?
Me: No.
Raymond: (yucky face)
Me: You don't like artichokes?
Raymond: No. But I like catfish.

< mysterious >

2005-05-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

Raymond: I can't believe you told Maia's assistant about the blog.
Me: Why?
Raymond: You're not supposed to!
Me: Why?
Raymond: You're not supposed to tell people about it.
Me: Raymond, how do you think so many people know about you?
Raymond: Well...they're so close! They'll know what I'm talking about.
Me: It's not like you talk about them.
Raymond: I just want to remain mysterious. You know, keep my secret life...mysterious.

< news >

2005-05-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

Raymond: Ok. So I have good news and bad news.
Me: Uh...
Raymond: Ok so first the good news. Wait. It's not really good.
Me: Mmm...
Raymond: Ok so first the news. Then the bad news.
Me: ?
Raymond: The news is...you told Maia's assistant about the blog???
Me: Yup.
Raymond: Aw man! Ok well. Ha. So here's the bad news: here's more stuff for your to copy. Haha.

< frances >

2005-05-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

Context: I'm sorting mail and get a letter addressed to someone with the same last name as one of the professors here.

Me: Hey...so I looked this name up and there's no "Frances Forman" in Anderson. We've got the only Forman. So...do you think this person's related to her or something?
Raymond: (examines letter)
Raymond: Is "Frances" short for "Janis"?
Me: You gotta be kidding me.
Raymond: Well, it's the only way I see that this belongs here...

< blue >

2005-04-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

Me: Oh, sorry Raymond. I was making copies on blue paper. I should have told you.
Raymond: Oh. Blue? Hm.
Me: ?
Raymond: So refreshing...
Me: Uh...
Raymond: Color. Blue paper. Hm.

< i have no idea >

2005-04-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

Me: Hmmmmm....what can I do right now...
Raymond: You can dance.
Me: What???
Raymond: You can dance...with your hands.
Me: (VERY confused look)

< buff >

2005-04-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

Me: What are you doing right now [after work]?
Raymond: I need to go to the gym and work out and get buff.
Me: Really?
Raymond: Well, the going to the gym and working out is gonna happen. But not the getting buff.

< dance >

2005-04-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

so, you don't need to visual for this one, but it's helpful.
go to:
1. www.uclalive.org
2. in the search box, type in "emio greco"
3. look at the picture that comes up
this is what raymond was looking at when we had the following conversation...

Me: Hey Raymond, here's what tomorrow's performance is about. Do you want to go? It's freeeeee.
Raymond: (looks at picture)
Raymond: What is this? That's boring. These people are in pajamas.
Me: Oh my god. You have no appreciation for dance.
Raymond: Dance? That's not dance. That's sleep. I don't want to watch that. I do that every day. Why do I want to watch people do something I can do?

< free >

2005-04-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

Me: Where's my book? I don't have my book. It's times like this I wish I had my book.
Raymond: Alright! Now I can speak freely!

< repeat >

2005-04-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

Raymond: I wasn't scared, ok. I just felt kinda weird.
Raymond: Because first of all, the voice didn't sound like her.
Raymond: And second of all....it didn't...sound like how she normally talks.
Me: That one was the same as your first one.
Raymond: I know. I was just emphasizing.

raymond fact #17

2005-04-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

Raymond has intended on signing up for membership at Wooden for the past 3 weeks. Sometimes he'll come to work with a change of clothes. Recently he's told me that he really intends on getting that gym pass during lunch or right after work. He still hasn't gotten it.

< downhill >

2005-04-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

Raymond: In your opinion, what’s the best software?
Me: Uh. I don’t know software.
Raymond: Really?
Me: Yeah.
Raymond: Hm. This conversation is going downhill.

< midterms >

2005-04-26T15:38:00.000-07:00

Raymond: Ah. Those good old college days. I miss that. Those good old days. The days of stress-free midterms…
Me: (strange look)
Raymond: What? You don’t feel that way?
Me: No!
Raymond: Really?
Me: Who likes midterms?
Raymond: Hm. Midterms are cool…

< bloggable >

2005-04-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

Me: You know, sometimes you don’t have much material…but when you do, it’s really good.
Raymond: I usually don’t have material.
Me: I was sad when they made us break up our lunch time because a lot of the good stuff comes from then.
Raymond: Really? That’s because I’m relaxed.
Me: (walks to blog)
Raymond: Hey. That’s not bloggable.

< oops >

2005-04-26T15:31:00.000-07:00

In response to my being wrong about something…

Raymond: You should sing that Britney Spears song.
Raymond: You know. The “Oops I Did It Again” song?
Raymond: Although…her song doesn’t refer to that.
Raymond: It’s like…breaking up with her boyfriend? Or something like that.

< random animal day >

2005-04-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

fillingthev0id: meow meow meow
Raymond: woof
fillingthev0id: that was strange

< bunny >

2005-04-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

i showed Raymond the following website:
http://home.pacbell.net/bettychu/2003allbreedbisris/verissa_1c2.jpg

Raymond: Whoa! That's a bunny? He needs to work out.

< baby mama >

2005-04-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

Me: Can we call you "Baby Mama"?
Raymond: WHAT?! NO!
Me: What? It's a song.
Raymond: Really? Who wrote that???
Me: Fantasia.
Raymond: Well whatever it is...it's bad. Ugh.

< smack >

2005-04-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

(Raymond hands me a stack of papers)
(I cringe)
Me: Oh. (phew) I thought this was a stack to copy.
Raymond: Haha. No.
Me: Ok. Good. I was about to hit you.
Raymond: Why me? I'm not the one giving you the copying to do.
Me: You're the closest.
Raymond: I hate this job.

< thought >

2005-04-15T16:12:00.000-07:00

Me: Your train of thought is ridiculous.
Raymond: I don’t have a thought.

< write it down >

2005-04-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

Raymond: Right down the instructions.
Raymond: I know what I did…but I don’t…I didn’t…I…Right down the instructions.

< hot >

2005-04-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

Raymond: She’s HOT!
Me: Wha?
Raymond: And by she’s hot, I mean…she knows how to do all this complicated stuff…so…she’s cool.
Me: Uh huh.
Raymond: What?

< trouble >

2005-04-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

Me: Hm. This is hard to post.
Raymond: Then don’t post it. It’s too much trouble.
Me: No…it’s not too much trouble. I’ll figure it out.
Raymond: No. It IS too much trouble. You have to click.

I TOOK A PICTURE!

2005-04-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

but Raymond won't let me post it.

so here's our conversation about the situation:

Raymond: Kim! Delete the picture.
fillingthev0id: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
fillingthev0id: no
Raymond: I mean it
Raymond: Gr.....
fillingthev0id: did you just go online to tell me to delete the picture?
Raymond: Yes!
fillingthev0id: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Raymond: I will take your word that you will not post it up.
fillingthev0id: good
fillingthev0id: cuz i won't
fillingthev0id: i will, however, post this conversation
Raymond: DoH!
Raymond: (I should not have let my guard down.)
fillingthev0id: hahaha

< static man >

2005-04-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Raymond: I’ve built up so much static that yesterday I saw a spark.
Me: Whoa.
Raymond: See? I just saw another one.
Raymond: I’m an electric…static…person.

< recycle >

2005-04-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

Me: (pointing to new recycle bin) Whoa! This is new.
Raymond: No, it was under my desk.
Me: You mean we haven’t been recycling just because the bin was clutter under your desk?
Raymond: Yes. And now it’s yours!

ivy meets raymond...

2005-04-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

ivy: and to think all that comic gold comes out of him....

< dorms >

2005-04-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

Me: We can grab lunch in the dorms
Raymond: You mean like an omelette?

< bbq >

2005-04-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

in response to my evite for a bbq:

Raymond: What's B-B-Q? Hmm...

< hmph >

2005-04-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

Me: What's a something about me that you don't know, but you'd like to know?
Raymond: See, the problem with me is...I don't care.

< context >

2005-04-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

http://home.elka.pw.edu.pl/~pgrabow1/kolezka.swf?name=raymond

the above website was shown to Raymond. his reaction:
"i don't quite get the context"

< HAHAHAHAHAHA >

2005-04-05T15:24:00.000-07:00

(Raymond passes by as I'm looking at the "go fug yourself" website)
Raymond: WHOA she's HOT.
Me: Really?
Raymond: Who is that?
Me: Mariah Carey.
Raymond: Oh. Nevermind then.

< profanity >

2005-04-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

Me: What the pho?
Raymond: Such profanity.
Me: I said pho. Like the Vietnamese noodle soup.
Raymond: Yeah, well. It sounded like F-U-C-K.
(long pause)
Me: Did you just spell that?

< not talking >

2005-04-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

Raymond: I should just not talk to you anymore.
Me: Yeah. You've said that. And we both know you'll talk again soon.
Raymond: It's just so hard. I have to communicate somehow.

< candid camera >

2005-04-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

Me: What would watching his stuff do from here? I mean, if someone took something...what am I gonna do from here? Yell at them? Run?
Raymond: Well, you could put a piece of paper under the stuff that says, "You're on candid camera."
Me: First, what if they take the paper too? Or what if it blows away? Second, they really aren't on candid camera.
Raymond: Yeah. Well. It'll make them feel guilty.

< punctual >

2005-04-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

Terence: Can you watch my stuff for 2 minutes?
Raymond: (looks at his watch) And counting. We are SO leaving after 2 minutes is over.
(Terence comes back)
Raymond: (looks at his watch) Very punctual.
Me: Has it been 2 minutes?
Raymond: Under.

< superficial >

2005-04-05T12:33:00.000-07:00

Raymond: Even if you say no, I'm still gonna do it.
Raymond: It's just the polite way.
Raymond: So superficial.

< bus >

2005-04-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

(talking about Raymond's desert excursion)
Me: A bus!
Raymond: Yeah.
Me: Party bus! Did you drink on the way over?
Raymond: No.
Me: I would have.
Raymond: I know. That's why you weren't invited.

< fake resume >

2005-04-01T13:37:00.000-08:00

Raymond: I don’t get it.
Me: What?
Raymond: If there are no proteins in this drink, why do they have an area for it?
Me: It’s a standard label.
Raymond: Well…they should just leave it blank. It’s like putting something on a resume you haven’t done.

< squirrel >

2005-04-01T12:48:00.000-08:00

Raymond: Hey look at that squirrel! It's got a big piece of...wow!*
Me: HAHAHAHA.
Raymond: No! Really! Did you see it??? Wow!
Raymond: Hey where's your camera?

*Raymond really said, "It's got a big pizza...wow!"

< name >

2005-04-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

(continuation of previous blog)
Me: What kind of friends do you have???
Raymond: No! I went by my Chinese name when I was at UCLA.
Me and Angie: Ohhh.
Raymond: Yeah, there was a point at which I was like, "If these Americans can't pronounce my name, then screw it."
Me: Wow.
Raymond: But I gave in.

< good friends >

2005-04-01T12:34:00.000-08:00

Angie: Did you give your friends the link to your website?
Raymond: No. If I did, they will be saying, 'Who's Raymond?'"

< on the human sexuality class at ucla >

2005-04-01T12:26:00.000-08:00

Me: That class was a disappointment. There were only monkeys--no humans!
Raymond: He brought in a prostitute in my class.
Me: See we had different teachers. Yours was better. None of this monkey crap.
Raymond: Yeah, he brought in someone with experience.
Angie: HAHAHAHA.
Raymond: I'm just trying to talk about something we can all relate to.

< team player >

2005-03-31T12:24:00.000-08:00

Angie: Who’s team does he play on, yours or mine?
Me: I’m not sure. I’d say yours, but I just use that as a default.
Angie: Raymond, you look confused.
Raymond: A little.
Me: Well, some teams are, for instance, all girls. Others are mixed. I play for an all girls team right now. Angie’s on the mixed team.
Raymond: Are we talking about miniature golfing?

< on command >

2005-03-29T12:55:00.000-08:00

Me: You wouldn't believe the things being able to cry on command can get you.
Raymond: Like toys and boyfriends?

< on the symbol that looks like "no women" on our shredder* >

2005-03-29T10:24:00.000-08:00

Me: I still don’t get why this thing says, “No Women” on it.
Raymond: It’s not “No Women.” It’s “No Hair.”
Me: I don’t believe you.
Raymond: In general, the female population has long hair. Therefore, it makes sense to use the image of a woman as an icon or logo.
Me: Hehehe.
Raymond: Are you kidding me?

*thank you, marty, for pointing out that this doesn't make sense without context.

< thief >

2005-03-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

Raymond: There's supposed to be a manual for this...
Me: Yeah...isn't that it in front of you. You took it from me.
Raymond: Heh. Oh yeah, huh. Well. Heh.

more rave reviews for raymond!

2005-03-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

ivy: btw, the raymond blog is fab. i like to go to it when i need a good laugh.
fillingthev0id: aw. i'll let him know you said that

< oops >

2005-03-23T14:18:00.000-08:00

Prof. X: Bye! See you on Friday!
Me and Raymond: Bye!

***

Raymond: Wait. We're not supposed to come in on Friday.
Me: Oh yeah.
Raymond: Good thing I didn't say, "See you Friday." I said, "Bye."

< loose >

2005-03-23T14:10:00.000-08:00

Me: What's this?
Raymond: Umm....it's the...
Me: ?
Raymond: There's a word for it. Do you know what word I'm trying to say?
Me: Uh, no.
Raymond: You know, when you're trying to catch a fish? And it gets away? There's a word for that...for that loose one....what is it...
Me: Umm....there's a word for that?
Raymond: Yeah. What is it...
(I go to type this conversation)
Me: Um. This is weird. I'm blogging it.
Raymond: No! Don't do this one. Think of it as the loose conversation...

< in response to sarah's IM >

2005-03-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

sarah: one day, raymond will rule the world
sarah: and you will be the one that got him there

Me: OMG Raymond. This is awesome.
Raymond: These people are crazy.
Raymond: Inconceivable.

keep those testimonials coming!

2005-03-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

sarah: i just read the k-pax thing
fillingthev0id: haha
sarah: something else to get addicted to...
sarah: and amuse myself with at work
sarah: :)
fillingthev0id: oh yeah
fillingthev0id: you wouldn't be the only one
sarah: sigh
sarah: i wish i had a raymond...

***

sarah: OMG!
sarah: your blog is soooo funny!
fillingthev0id: which one
sarah: the raymond one
fillingthev0id: lol
fillingthev0id: what are you reading?
sarah: lots
sarah: haha
sarah: marriage...
sarah: sigh
sarah: he's brilliant!
fillingthev0id: hahaha

< more k-pax >

2005-03-23T08:51:00.000-08:00

Raymond: Maybe K-Pax wasn't that bad of a movie. Maybe I'm just giving it a bad name.
Me: No, I thought it didn't do well when it came out.
Raymond: Look it up and see.
(I look up reviews on K-Pax)
Me: Hm. It's not bad.
Raymond: Do you want to borrow it? I can lend it to you.
Me: No...that's ok.
Raymond: There's a scene with puppies. You'll like that part.

< surprise? >

2005-03-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

Me: OOOH! Look what I found! A cookie! Want some?
Raymond: You know, you give new meaning to the term, "Show me and I'll act surprised."
(long pause)
(I reach for keyboard to begin typing)
Raymond: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Raymond: You have so much control...

< speak softly >

2005-03-22T16:12:00.000-08:00

Me: Was there just an earthquake?
Raymond: Yeah! I just said that.
Me: When?
Raymond: Like five minutes ago. You were so engrossed in your AIM.
Me: No way.
Raymond: I may have said it softly and to myself, but I said it.

< tired >

2005-03-22T15:11:00.000-08:00

Me: Raymond, we haven't written anything in your blog today.
Raymond: I'm tired.
Me: ???
Raymond: I'm running out of material.

heart warmer

2005-03-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

testament to the power of raymond:

angie IMed erl's comment to me...
erl: so i dont even know kim but her webpage has given me another reason to procrastinate

my response...
fillingthev0id: haha
fillingthev0id: NICE
fillingthev0id: i'm gonna tell Raymond
aFairyNamedAngie: haha
fillingthev0id: "blame it [procrastinating] on something else, not my webpage"
fillingthev0id: you can IM that to erl
fillingthev0id: HAHAHAHAHA

angie and erl's continued conversation...
erl: did he just say that?
erl: haha
aFairyNamedAngie: yeah
erl: i feel kinda honored
erl: he's done so much for some people's lives including my own
erl: joy and laughter you know
erl: you should tell him that procrastination means good things to me
aFairyNamedAngie: haha

if you too would like to testify, please comment or send me an IM.

< sassy >

2005-03-21T13:18:00.000-08:00

Raymond: Well, some people have their WAY of doing it.
Me: Don't SASS me!
Raymond: Huh?
Me: Just because I've worked here this long doesn't mean you can start being sassy.
Raymond: How can I be sassy if I don't know what it means?
(proceeds to look up "sassy" in online dictionary)
Raymond: "Impolite..." ?
Me: Sassy.
Raymond: Now YOU'RE being sassy.

< more k-pax >

2005-03-21T12:14:00.000-08:00

Me: Come on, man. Are you kidding me? You need to come see this movie. The last movie you saw was K-Pax.
Raymond: Shhh! Not so loud!
Raymond: Nobody watches K-Pax.

a story for you about raymond

2005-03-18T10:59:00.000-08:00

so, last night i had a party. in an effort to get raymond to come, i invited him to dinner and to watch setup, meet my roomies, etc. once at home, however, the task of purchasing supplies (i.e. alcohol) for said party befell upon me. so, naturally, i took raymond.

ok. so picture raymond and i walking around ralphs. raymond, pushing the cart and me loading it. and now picture me loading the cart with 10 gallons of lemonade, 3 handles of rum, 2 30-packs of beer, and 3 large bags of ice. and now picture raymond still pushing it all over ralphs.

i'm glad i was there for raymond's first alcohol run. god i love bringing people to the dark side.

< checking it out >

2005-03-18T10:53:00.000-08:00

(raymond stares at the mail i'm holding, strategically placed near my chest)

Me: Uh, are you checking me out?
Raymond: No, actually, I'm checking out the mail.

< shock horror >

2005-03-17T16:45:00.000-08:00

Me: You just make life so much fun.
Raymond: That makes one of us.

raymond fact #16

2005-03-17T16:43:00.000-08:00

raymond thinks that WD-40 is the greatest invention of all time.

and i quote:

Raymond: No, really. I was telling the temp. The temp temp.
(sees me typing and snickering)
Raymond: You are not cool. I'm not talking anymore.
(long pause)
Raymond: It makes everything friction free! Isn't it cool?

< poor alfie >

2005-03-17T16:38:00.000-08:00

Raymond: I feel sorry for Alfie.
Me: Why?
Raymond: I'm sure he's not a pervert.
Me: Huh?
Raymond: You read Angie's website. I'm sure he's a good decent guy. I don't think he looks up people's skirts.
Raymond: I feel sorry for him.

< logic >

2005-03-17T16:37:00.000-08:00

aFairyNamedAngie: Raymond: So by logic, I don't need to talk to you. All I need to do is to talk to Kim.
fillingthev0id: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
fillingthev0id: omg it's going on the website
aFairyNamedAngie: mine too!
fillingthev0id: hahahaha

raymond fact #15

2005-03-17T14:56:00.000-08:00

raymond gets a kick out of the following website:

http://www.mashimaro.com/gallery/flash_opening.asp

seriously, we watched this for a good 15 minutes. then a door slammed and we got paranoid and went back to work.

< confusion >

2005-03-17T14:53:00.000-08:00

fillingthev0id: ooooh
fillingthev0id: you're online
(Raymond): ha ha
(Raymond): kim says you're going to her party
(Raymond): that's cool
fillingthev0id: um
fillingthev0id: i AM kim
fillingthev0id: HAHAHAHAHAHA

***

Raymond tried to play the above conversation off like he really knew he WASN'T talking to angie online. He told me that he was trying to see if I was "paying attention." Hm. I don't think so, Raymond.

< nothing to do >

2005-03-17T10:02:00.000-08:00

Me: Do you have anything for me to do, Raymond?
Raymond: Yeah. Chill.
Me: Haha.
Raymond: Yeah, I have a job for you. It’s called “Sit back and relax.”

< needs >

2005-03-17T09:43:00.000-08:00

Raymond: So, it’s not me. It’s the Outlook Explorer.
Raymond: OKAY? (with sass)
Me: Did you just OKAY me?
Raymond: I think I need to get out more.

Letter to the Temp Temp

2005-03-09T16:27:00.000-08:00

March 9, 2005
16:08

Dear New Temp Person for the Week,

Hello! So, I’m Kim and because we won’t ever get to meet, I’d like to say thanks for taking over this ever-so-rigorous post for a week. I’m sure coming in at 08:00, you’re a bit tired. If you’re chipper, more props to you. I’m usually not though.

So, here’s a cheat sheet on the job: do whatever Raymond tells you to do. Not hard at all. Also, keep the paper filled and the copies flowing. I usually do the mail sorting because it’s fun and fills time, but if you want to share that task with Raymond, I’m sure he’d enjoy it. Oh, also, check out the “PENDING JOBS TO DO FOLDER” for anything that still hasn’t been done. Enjoy the websurf time too…when you can.

By now you’ve met Raymond. Be good to him and he’ll be good to you. I suggest you lunch together, if you don’t have plans already. Some tips on Raymond:
-Sometimes he talks to himself. This is normal. If you say, “What?” then he will say “Nothing.” Just go about your daily business.
-Sometimes he will ask your opinion on things. I usually give it. He will then double check with someone else. This is Raymond being thorough.
-If you ask him what he did last night or last weekend, his response is usually the same. If he gives a different response, please log it as it is an anomaly.

This brings me to my next topic. The Raymond Files. On the desktop is a Word Document called “Raymond quotes.” This is a log of funny things Raymond says throughout the week. Partly, it is a way to keep entertained when there is down time. And partly, it is a way to log Raymond’s funny words. The temp who had this job before me started it. If you would like to read the log in webpage form, go to: http://whatutalkingaboutraymond.blogspot.com/. There is also a link to Angie’s (the temp before me) page for Raymond.

Ok. I think that’s all. Enjoy your week!

Cheers from the East Coast,
Kim

< ass >

2005-03-09T15:04:00.000-08:00

Me: Raymond, would you come to my party?
Raymond: No.
Me: You're an ass!
Raymond: Just because I don't want to come to your party....
Me: Means...
Raymond: ....
Raymond: I'm not an asshole.

< box >

2005-03-09T15:00:00.000-08:00

Raymond: Ok. Why don’t you…touch your box?
Me: (laughs hysterically)
Raymond: What?
Me: You said "box"
Raymond: Mouse! Mouse! I meant mouse!

< scanner >

2005-03-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

Raymond: Just think of it this way: by the end of it, you’ll be the scanning master.
Me: You want to get hurt, don’t you?

raymond fact #14

2005-03-08T08:48:00.000-08:00

raymond exercises on the weekends by jogging. he says he jogs 2-3 blocks.

yes, i was shocked too. but it turns out that the runs the same 2-3 BACK AND FORTH. *whew*

social interaction

2005-03-07T15:50:00.000-08:00

angie asked what social things raymond enjoyed. here is a list:

-going to bible study
-reading to kids (stories do not necessarily have to be bible stories)

yup, that's it.

< double life >

2005-03-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

(Raymond): Can't tell.
filling the v0id: whaaat?
(Raymond): You heard right
filling the v0id: damn you're sassy online.
(Raymond): Sassy? That's why I don't go online.

< say no to stalkers >

2005-03-04T15:16:00.000-08:00

Raymond: No…I’m going by myself. By bus.
Me: We could pick you up.
Raymond: No, I don’t want you to know where I live.

< on the candy i JUST GAVE HIM 5 minutes ago >

2005-03-04T15:02:00.000-08:00

Raymond: Oooh. Look. What’s this? “Peanut Butter Cup.”
Raymond: Hm.
Raymond: So small.
Raymond: And tiny.
Raymond: Hm.

< he really wants a new computer >

2005-03-04T12:07:00.000-08:00

Maia: You know, you guys really deserve something for doing all this.
Raymond: Can I have a new computer?

< drop it like it's hot >

2005-02-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

Me: Raymond! Drop it like it’s hot!
Raymond: Why don’t you fax this?
Me: Are you trying to keep me busy?
Raymond: That would be correct.
Me: So…in the meanwhile, why don’t you drop it like it’s hot?
Raymond: Well, first…I don’t know what that means.
Raymond: Second, I don’t know why I should do that.
Raymond: And third! I don’t think is the proper place for that kind of stuff.

< k-pax >

2005-02-28T16:17:00.000-08:00

Me: You really like K-Pax, didn’t you?
Raymond: You’re sneaky. And yet…cool.

< fun >

2005-02-28T16:02:00.000-08:00

Raymond: Fun? What’s fun? There’s no such word.
Me: See. And that’s why I’m glad you’re coming out with us.
Raymond: I haven’t seen a movie since K-Pax.

raymond fact #13

2005-02-28T12:31:00.000-08:00

raymond used to have a dog. it was white and looked a bit like a fox. it also wasn't really his. it was his grandfather's.