< HAHAHAHAHAHA >

(Raymond passes by as I'm looking at the "go fug yourself" website)
Raymond: WHOA she's HOT.
Me: Really?
Raymond: Who is that?
Me: Mariah Carey.
Raymond: Oh. Nevermind then.

< profanity >

Me: What the pho?
Raymond: Such profanity.
Me: I said pho. Like the Vietnamese noodle soup.
Raymond: Yeah, well. It sounded like F-U-C-K.
(long pause)
Me: Did you just spell that?

< not talking >

Raymond: I should just not talk to you anymore.
Me: Yeah. You've said that. And we both know you'll talk again soon.
Raymond: It's just so hard. I have to communicate somehow.

< candid camera >

Me: What would watching his stuff do from here? I mean, if someone took something...what am I gonna do from here? Yell at them? Run?
Raymond: Well, you could put a piece of paper under the stuff that says, "You're on candid camera."
Me: First, what if they take the paper too? Or what if it blows away? Second, they really aren't on candid camera.
Raymond: Yeah. Well. It'll make them feel guilty.

< punctual >

Terence: Can you watch my stuff for 2 minutes?
Raymond: (looks at his watch) And counting. We are SO leaving after 2 minutes is over.
(Terence comes back)
Raymond: (looks at his watch) Very punctual.
Me: Has it been 2 minutes?
Raymond: Under.

< superficial >

Raymond: Even if you say no, I'm still gonna do it.
Raymond: It's just the polite way.
Raymond: So superficial.

< bus >

(talking about Raymond's desert excursion)
Me: A bus!
Raymond: Yeah.
Me: Party bus! Did you drink on the way over?
Raymond: No.
Me: I would have.
Raymond: I know. That's why you weren't invited.